Silent
Silent provides the tools for seekers to recognize their path and enables self-reliance for spiritual and magickal growth.
Seekers gain insight from his work and find their inner calm from his ability to listen and help others reflect.
Shared Values and Common Ground
Silent • October 17, 2024
A Vision for Sharing Diverse Views
In every corner of life, be it business, community, or personal relationships, we find ourselves navigating between two powerful concepts—shared values and common ground.
These terms often float into conversation, but each carries a weight and depth that profoundly influences the structure of leadership, decision-making, and our ethical compass. Let us explore how they shape our world and how leaders can harness both for a future rooted in integrity and mutual respect.
Shared Values are the ethical, moral, and philosophical principles that form the bedrock of a community or organization. These values extend beyond superficial agreements and resonate deeply, forming the core beliefs that shape the group's decisions, actions, and collective spirit.
For a leader, shared values are not negotiable or temporary.
They represent a long-standing commitment to integrity, accountability, sustainability, and respect. Consider a company such as Patagonia, built on a foundation of environmental stewardship. Its shared values of sustainability inform every aspect of its operations, from the materials it uses to its supply chain processes. These values are woven into the organization's soul, influencing its employees and customers who align with those beliefs.
A powerful sense of trust and loyalty results when values like these are deeply embedded.
In the magickal and spiritual traditions, shared values manifest as the guiding principles that direct individual practice and communal rites and rituals. Within ancestor veneration rituals like kispum, shared values are those threads that connect the living to the dead, maintaining a relationship with the departed in both honor and humility. These sacred bonds remind us that shared values transcend even the boundaries of life and death.
Common Ground—in contrast, is practical, immediate, and often transactional. It refers to areas where people or organizations can agree, even when they diverge significantly on core beliefs. Common ground enables collaboration for short-term goals, allowing parties with different values to come together for a specific purpose, such as a particular ritual.
One example of common ground across faith practices is the different practices and philosophies of reverence and rituals related to death, especially ancestor veneration.
Despite differences in beliefs, many traditions recognize the importance of honoring those who have passed.
For instance, Mesopotamian kispum rituals involve honoring the deceased through offerings, such as water libations, which ensure the dead are nourished and remembered in the afterlife. Similarly, in many Eastern traditions, rituals like the Japanese Obon festival or Chinese ancestor worship also involve offerings of food, water, and prayers to maintain a connection with ancestors.
Even in Abrahamic traditions, which focus more on the afterlife and resurrection, practices like Yahrzeit (Jewish remembrance) or All Souls’ Day (Christian remembrance) emphasize honoring the dead through candles, prayers, and remembrance.
These rituals illustrate a shared human concern: the desire to maintain bonds with loved ones beyond death.
Regardless of theology, this veneration across cultures emphasizes the continuity of love, remembrance, and the spiritual connection between the living and the deceased. This shows how death can become a sacred and unifying thread, bridging faiths that often seem at odds on other issues.
Many faith groups celebrate the solstice and equinox.
Different faiths celebrate the earth’s journey around the sun and the changing seasons. We come together with shared joy and celebration.
In personal relationships, common ground may allow us to bridge gaps with those who see the world differently. We don’t need to agree on everything, but by identifying shared goals, we find ways to work together.
Common ground is temporary—it serves the moment's need and often dissolves once that purpose is fulfilled.
Business Examples of Shared Values and Common Ground
Take Starbucks, for instance, where the company’s commitment to corporate social responsibility illustrates shared values. Starbucks promotes ethical sourcing, environmental stewardship, and community engagement.
These values create a lasting bond between the company and stakeholders, driving long-term relationships and loyalty. When employees and customers feel aligned with a larger mission, shared values build resilience and trust.
Compare this to Microsoft and Sony's cloud gaming partnership—a clear example of common ground. Their collaboration wasn’t about shared values but leveraging technology to achieve a common goal. The partnership may end when the goal is reached, but both parties would have gained from the temporary alignment.
Comparing Shared Values and Common Ground
The key difference between shared values and common ground is their depth and longevity. Shared values shape the very identity of a group or individual, influencing long-term behaviors and decisions. They are resilient and enduring, guiding through crises and change. Common ground, on the other hand, is about practical, surface-level agreements. It addresses immediate needs but often needs more staying power than shared values.
This comparison becomes critical when a leader makes decisions that impact an organization's long-term ethical direction. Leaders who prioritize shared values create cultures of sustainability and integrity where decisions reflect deeply held beliefs. Leaders who rely only on standard ground may achieve short-term success, but they risk instability once the shared objective is met.
Ethical Leadership in Everyday Contexts
In the realm of ethics, shared values are the compass that guides a company or individual’s actions toward the greater good. A business built on shared values, like Google's commitment to innovation and transparency, tends to operate with integrity because its actions are aligned with a moral framework. These values act as a moral compass, guiding decisions beyond compliance and focusing on what suits employees, customers, and society.
Conversely, while sound, common ground does not always ensure ethical behavior. Two parties can collaborate on a shared objective while significantly ignoring more enormous ethical implications if their long-term values diverge. This is why partnerships in industries with weak ethical standards can lead to exploitation—common ground without shared values is often fraught with moral pitfalls.
What Must Leaders Do?
Leaders must strive to understand the balance between these forces. To create lasting, ethical success, they must prioritize shared values while leveraging common ground where necessary. Here are actions leaders should take:
Foster Shared Values—Leaders must clearly define and communicate their organization's core values. These values should be embedded in every decision and relationship, creating a solid ethical foundation.
Leverage Common Ground—It is essential to Identify common ground in negotiations or short-term collaborations. However, leaders must ensure these agreements do not compromise the organization’s ethical standards.
Maintain Transparency—Align short-term interests with long-term values. By doing so, leaders can build trust and ensure that the pursuit of common goals remains aligned with more profound, shared principles.
Ultimately, shared values sustain us. They endure through time beyond immediate gains, offering a legacy built on respect, trust, and integrity. Common ground is valuable, but shared values are the roots that nourish the forest.
Recap
In leadership and life, shared values are the roots, grounding us in integrity and trust. Common ground allows us to navigate differences and collaborate, but the deeper alignment with core values sustains lasting relationships.
May your journey forward be one of wisdom and mutual respect.
Onward.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Walk into any forest in the Cascades and you are standing on the dead. The fir that fell forty years ago is now the nurse log feeding a row of saplings. The salmon carried uphill by an eagle became the nitrogen in the cedar's needles. Nothing in that forest is wasted, and nothing in it is afraid. We have built an entire industry on pretending we are exempt from this. We drain the body of its blood, fill it with preservatives, seal it in lacquered hardwood, and lower it into a concrete vault—as if the earth were a contamination to be defended against rather than the place we came from. Cremation, for all its simplicity, burns fossil fuel and sends the body skyward as carbon. There is another way, and it began here in Washington. Human composting—the law calls it natural organic reduction—was legalized in this state in 2019, the first in the nation. The process is unhurried and honest. The body, unembalmed, is laid into a steel vessel and surrounded by wood chips, alfalfa, and straw. No chemicals are added. The microbes that already live on the plant material, and on us, do the work they have always done. Over eight to twelve weeks, the body becomes soil—about a cubic yard of it, dark and alive. Families may take some home for a garden or a tree, or donate it to forest conservation land. What was a person becomes, quite literally, ground for new growth. I have sat with the dying, and I can tell you that the question underneath most deathbed fear is not what happens to me? It is did I matter, and will anything of me remain? The Hávamál answers plainly: cattle die, kin die, the self dies too—but what one leaves behind endures. We usually read that as reputation. I have come to read it more literally. A body that becomes soil leaves something behind that you can hold in your hands. Something that feeds. For those of us who keep the old ways, this is not innovation. It is restoration. Our ancestors were returned to barrows and bogs and burial mounds, given back to the land that fed them. The vessel and the alfalfa are new; the covenant is ancient. The earth gives, and the earth receives. Every harvest festival we keep is built on that exchange. It would be strange to honor the cycle all our lives and then opt out of it at the end. This choice is now legal in a dozen states and counting. If it speaks to you, say so—out loud, in writing, to the people who will one day carry out your wishes. Death plans left unspoken become burdens; death plans spoken become gifts. A leaf falls. A seed sprouts. The tree does not grieve the leaf, and the soil does not refuse the seed. When my own time comes, I intend to be useful one last time. That, too, is a kind of prayer. —Silent
For the Pagan and Contemplative Community
There is a grief that arrives before the death. It does not announce itself. It does not have a name that anyone uses at the dinner table, or in the waiting room, or in the parking lot of the care facility where you sit in your car for a few minutes before going in, gathering yourself. It lives in small moments. The first time they didn't recognize you. The day you realized you were making decisions for them that they would have hated. The night you caught yourself hoping — just for a second, just once — that it would be over soon, and then spent the next three days punishing yourself for the thought. This is called anticipatory grief. And it is real, and it is heavy, and almost no one will name it for you while you are living inside it, because you are the strong one, and the person you are losing is still here, and grief, we have been told, comes after. It doesn't always come after. Sometimes it comes alongside. Caregiving is one of the most demanding things a human being can do. It asks you to be present to someone else's diminishment, day after day, while managing your own fear and your own exhaustion and your own sadness — and while the world around you continues as though nothing unusual is happening. You go to the grocery store. You answer emails. You show up. You are praised for your strength, which is a kindness people offer because they don't know what else to give you. What you actually need is someone who will let you put the strength down for an hour. Not fix you. Not give you a plan. Not tell you that you're doing a great job, or that they couldn't do what you're doing, or that everything happens for a reason. Just someone who will sit with you in the weight of it. Who will not be frightened by what you are carrying. Who will let you say the unsayable things — the anger, the ambivalence, the love that is so tangled up with loss that you can no longer tell them apart. That is what I offer. I am a death doula and spiritual director. I work with caregivers who are in the middle of it — not at the end, not after, but now, in the long middle stretch where the grief has no official start date and the world has not yet given you permission to feel it. We meet, usually by video, for an hour at a time. I listen in a particular way — not for problems to solve, but for what is actually present beneath the exhaustion and the competence and the careful management of everyone else's emotions. You do not have to have it together when you come into this space. That is the point of it. A few things I will not do: I will not tell you how to grieve correctly. There is no correctly. I will not rush you toward acceptance or silver linings. Some things do not have silver linings, and pretending otherwise is a small violence. I will not give you more to manage. You are already managing too much. What I will do is be present — fully, unhurriedly, without an agenda — for whatever you bring into the room. If you are a caregiver and you are reading this and something in you recognized itself in these words, that recognition is an invitation. I have a small number of spaces available for caregivers who are navigating the approach of death alongside someone they love. The intake questions at tokeepsilent.me are where we begin. Or you can reach me directly. There is no script for this conversation. We simply start. — Silent